How to Get Your Kids to Open Up at Bedtime: The Rose, Bud, Thorn Technique
Are you struggling to get your kids to open up about their day? Bedtime is a perfect time to connect and learn more about what's going on in their lives.
Using the "Rose, Bud, Thorn, Seed, Dirt, and Water" approach, you help them reflect on their day while getting a clearer picture of their experiences and feelings. Here's how to use these six elements to create a bedtime routine that encourages communication and supports emotional growth:
1. Rose: The Best Part of the Day
Start by asking your child about the highlight of their day. Their highlight could be a fun activity, a moment of success, or something that made them smile. For example, you might ask, "What was the best part of your day?" Their 'Rose' helps your child end the day on a positive note and reinforces the habit of recognizing and appreciating joyful moments.
Example: "My rose today was playing lava monster with my friends at recess. We had so much fun!"
2. Bud: Looking Forward to Tomorrow
Next, focus on the future by discussing what your child is excited about or looking forward to the next day. Their bud could be an event, an activity, or something they anticipate. Asking, "What are you looking forward to tomorrow?" helps build excitement and gives your child something positive to expect, easing bedtime worries.
Example: "I'm so excited for ju jitsu tomorrow! I hope I get a new belt!"
3. Thorn: The Bad Part of the Day
It's important to acknowledge and validate any negative experiences. Ask your child about what didn't go well or what was challenging. For their 'Thorn,' you can ask, "What was the toughest part of your day?" Encouraging them to talk about their thorns helps them process their feelings and learn how to handle difficulties.
Example: "The thorn of my day was not understanding the math homework. It was so confusing."
4. Seed: Something Nice They Did
Highlighting positive actions helps build self-esteem and reinforces good behavior. Ask your child, "What's something nice you did today?" Their 'Seed' encourages them to recognize and take pride in their positive actions and contributions.
Example: "I helped my friend pick up their books when they dropped them. It felt good to be helpful."
5. Dirt: What They're Proud Of
Discussing what they're proud of can boost confidence. Ask, "What's something you're proud of today?" Their 'Dirt' could be anything from a personal achievement to overcoming a challenge. It's a chance for your child to reflect on their strengths and accomplishments.
Example: "I'm proud of finishing my science project on time. It was a lot of work, but I did it!"
6. Water: Something Nice Someone Did
End on a positive note by asking about any kindness they received. "What's something nice someone did for you today?" Their 'Water' helps your child recognize and appreciate the kindness and support from others, fostering gratitude and positive relationships.
Example: "Katie dropped off a brand new notebook for me to write in. It was really thoughtful because she knows how much I love writing!"
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Some nights, I'll admit, can be nearly impossible to get through these questions. If they're fighting to keep their eyes open or for younger children, like our four-year-old, you can simplify it to just asking about their "peach" and "pit"—the best and worst parts of their day.
Including these elements in your bedtime routine helps your child wind down while fostering emotional awareness and positivity. Reflecting on their day, anticipating tomorrow, and recognizing kindness can make them feel valued and understood. Lastly, knowing we will be asking them these questions encourages them to think about how they can contribute positively throughout the day.
This simple yet effective routine turns bedtime into something I cherish and look forward to each night.
Until next time,
